My name is Taylor. I am 25 years old and have been attending church since the womb. Many different good ones. It is my desire to serve Christ with my entire life in His church. But first, I have a few confessions...
CHURCH TAYLOR
1. I was DEMANDING.
Before I was growing in the Gospel, I expected my preferences to be honored by the world and other Christians. There was little room in my religious paradigm for offenses. I could be friends with you so long as you didn’t offend me or violate my expectations of how things have to be. I felt it my duty to correct you if you were wrong and was typically more affectionate toward my opinion than to the person standing right in front of me. This is a trademark characteristic of a pharisaical church person, and was of me.
2. I was RIGID.
Before I was growing in the Gospel, new stuff freaked me out. I preferred predictability. It’s been said that the only thing we can be certain of is change, so I did everything I could to keep the changes outside the four walls of my compartmentalized faith. Why change things up when what we’ve always done has worked fine up until now? I liked the music, and the preaching, and the classes, and the announcements, and the building, and the - heck, I even liked the offering, as long as everything was the same as last week. Familiarity was my security, not Jesus.
3. I was FORMAL.
Before I was growing in the Gospel, my religion was remarkably impersonal- almost memorized, then recited. I took church very seriously, and myself even more so. While I knew that joy was a fruit of the Spirit, I was careful not to enjoy myself too much when fellowshipping with other believers. After all, God is holy; I didn’t want to be like those liberals or charismatics who went to church and felt great at the same time. The people in my neighborhood went very untouched by my life and testimony- “Why socialize with a pagan when they can so easily attend one of the ceremonies at my church?” Of course I never said that, but lived it. Lost and hurting people were never touched with Christ’s love as my faith was a formality. I also didn’t feel like I was allowed to have personal struggles, much less share them at church. So I was unwilling to open up with others about real things in my life, like hidden sin, temptation, and doubt…
4. I was DOUBT-LESS
Before I was growing in the Gospel, I was scared to death of my doubts. I mean, I tried to never have them, but whenever an occasional curiosity or inconsistency provoked me to wonder about something in the Bible or the church, I couldn’t push it out of my mind in self-rebuke fast enough. How dare I doubt God? How dare I doubt what I’ve been taught? Why is my faith so flimsy to have a doubt? God forgive me.
But check out what Jesus did...
CHRISTIAN TAYLOR
1. Now I’m GRACIOUS.
As I have begun to grow in the Gospel, I have been learning how infinite and inexplicable God’s grace is toward me- and was, on the cross. Rather than rebuking or just all together avoiding people who swear, stink, and look WAY different than me, I am learning to extend the same kind of mercy and grace that Christ showed me in His death. I’m beginning to experience the joys of listening to, learning from, and loving on a messed up life, before trying to conform it to my beliefs and opinions- biblical as they might be. Confident in the Gospel, I’m no longer afraid to hear the problems other people have with it.
2. Now I’m FLEXIBLE.
As I have begun to grow in the Gospel, I have been learning the joys of being uncomfortable in life and faith. You know, those freaky times when you actually have to trust God? I’ve been learning that change, discomfort, and openness to new ideas and practices have actually pressed me closer to the heart of Christ and His Gospel. Having willingness to adapt has not only ushered in personal joy and growth, but also ushered out many blind spots I never knew I had. How silly I was to think that I had little to learn from the perspectives and stories of others.
3. Now it’s PERSONAL.
As I have begun to grow in the Gospel, I have been learning how intimate, relational, and enjoyable a relationship with God through Christ is meant to be. Don’t get me wrong- I believe that before a holy, transcendent God reverence is a necessity for all humans, and it is a disposition I am seeking to grow in. But I can’t escape the insanely personal quality of the Gospel. God came close; God cares about me; God has adopted me as child and commissioned me as servant- wow! In these truths and ones like them, I now have the liberty to grow, serve, and live- with joy! I’m learning to be secure in Christ and it's enabling me to be vulnerable with my spiritual family in the church, growing side-by-side with people no different than myself. I’m also learning to befriend those outside the confines of my church's scheduled programs, meeting them where they are and caring at a personal level.
4. Now I’m CURIOUS.
As I have begun to grow in the Gospel, I have been learning that doubt is a part of a thinking life. My pastor said this past weekend, “Doubt happens when the superficialities of my faith meet the realities of the world; if I don’t doubt I'm not going deeper.” I am learning that my doubts are not things to be ignored or immediately rejected, but that I can view them as divinely sent messengers from God to go deeper. Charles Spurgeon said, “Doubt is a foot forward.” Could the next step in my faith actually hinge on my willingness to acknowledge and wrestle with a doubt? I’m learning that oftentimes it sure does.
I hope that my vulnerability will challenge, encourage, and convict those who read this, as the Spirit sees fit. As we learn to grow in the Gospel together, it is my prayer that having read this you will be encouraged closer to the heart of Christ and His Gospel.
